Archive for July, 2012


Marriage.

I actually hate this word. Hate the topic and everything and anything that is related to it. Why? Because it’s never the marriage I would want nor could actually happen for me. 

One annoying thing about the culture of Asian people, especially for girls is that everyone wants you to get married and after that you can continue your life because then you’d be your husband’s responsibility essentially. As much as my parents are supportive of my stubborn want to continue my education and pursue a high demanding career, the question of when will it be my turn is looming ever closer. 

Many of my Asian friends are married or are engaged to be and even if their mothers are joking when they keep asking when I’m going to join them, I laugh and politely say I have no plans too. However my mother insists on ‘letting me finish my studies first.’ And whenever we discuss the topic…well it’s not really a discussion I blatantly tell my mother I never, ever want to get married my career choice won’t allow for such distractions blah blah blah. Yet she never listens. 

As a result of relatives and friends getting married I find myself attending more and more of them. I’m not sure if any of you guys have been to an Asian wedding but basically you have to doll up to the max because it’s not just a wedding. It’s a chance for other families to have a look at the single girls/guys and place potential inquiries into if such personal are interesting in getting married. Problem. Well problems , One I hate dressing up…but I do, only for these occasions to keep my mother happy and two because I am now dressed up with a splash of make up I actually look like a viable candidate for marriage, in the Asian sense. 

So usually at these events I try to lay low and not draw attention to myself to avoid these awkward questions and to throw my mum off the trail I’ll fire out some things I’d want at my imaginary marriage. For example it would be at a zoo, I’d ride in on an elephant and leave on a giraffe…you know things that would never happen. 

However as I’ve seen the happiness and celebrations I’ve caught myself thinking if I ever found the right girl would all this be open for me? Would my family be there to smile in pride? Would I have the sparkly dress? Where would I even get married? And the sad reality is even if I find the girl of my dreams, I’ll never have the wedding I would want.

Potential forgiveness?

So I’m back from University for summer now…again. It’s scary how time stops for no one, no matter what’s happening or who you’re with, time is always moving .

And with University loading on the work time is slipping my fingers more than ever, I noticed this especially when I realised I hadn’t come home as often as I did in first year. No matter, I’m back now and my mum really wanted me to come with her to the Mosque on Sunday morning. As there is lessons on how to read the Qur’an and learn its meanings and such. I used to go every week whilst I lived at home and I detested the classes, not because I was bad or anything, I guess it was because I felt it was futile as I know what I am and Islam don’t mix.

But I could see going would mean a lot to my mum and after a lot of persuasion I decided to go and be a show pony to all of her friends and see all the people I used to read with. I entered the Mosque with a negative attitude, thinking that it was a waste of time and these people didn’t actually care for me. However with familiar faces filing through the door and to my surprise, their faces lit up when they saw me. I got hugs, smiles and genuine interest off of these people, it was funny as I never saw this side to them when I had attended regularly. I even surprised myself when it came to reading the set passage of that class, I found myself reading as fluently as ever, but with a few hesitations here and there. What surprised me the most that the techniques and pronunciations of the Arabic words I tended to ignore when I attended normally were flowing from my mouth as though I’d always read that way.

I sat there listening to the other girls reading and then we came to translation. One of my friends translated the passage that is known as the ‘Witness’ section in the Qur’an. Some of the teachings were familiar and I had no problems with, however after each line there was always reference to Allah’s forgiveness. Allah will forgive if you ask, Allah knows the secrets in your heart…

As these words floated around me, I started to wonder if there was actually hope that Allah might not smite my entire existence on the spot. I’ve been told if you have any questions you should ask them during prayer, I know some of you are of different faiths or have none at all so I’m sorry if you don’t agree with anything but I’ve always wanted Allah to give me a sign or something that all hope is not lost for me. And maybe this was it?

However I’m not so sure but the month of Ramadan is approaching and I will be asking Allah for answers so if I get any I’ll let you know!

If you have any questions please ask but again I want this to be a safe and caring forum so no bashing of form will be tolerated.