Tag Archive: lost


Marriage.

I actually hate this word. Hate the topic and everything and anything that is related to it. Why? Because it’s never the marriage I would want nor could actually happen for me. 

One annoying thing about the culture of Asian people, especially for girls is that everyone wants you to get married and after that you can continue your life because then you’d be your husband’s responsibility essentially. As much as my parents are supportive of my stubborn want to continue my education and pursue a high demanding career, the question of when will it be my turn is looming ever closer. 

Many of my Asian friends are married or are engaged to be and even if their mothers are joking when they keep asking when I’m going to join them, I laugh and politely say I have no plans too. However my mother insists on ‘letting me finish my studies first.’ And whenever we discuss the topic…well it’s not really a discussion I blatantly tell my mother I never, ever want to get married my career choice won’t allow for such distractions blah blah blah. Yet she never listens. 

As a result of relatives and friends getting married I find myself attending more and more of them. I’m not sure if any of you guys have been to an Asian wedding but basically you have to doll up to the max because it’s not just a wedding. It’s a chance for other families to have a look at the single girls/guys and place potential inquiries into if such personal are interesting in getting married. Problem. Well problems , One I hate dressing up…but I do, only for these occasions to keep my mother happy and two because I am now dressed up with a splash of make up I actually look like a viable candidate for marriage, in the Asian sense. 

So usually at these events I try to lay low and not draw attention to myself to avoid these awkward questions and to throw my mum off the trail I’ll fire out some things I’d want at my imaginary marriage. For example it would be at a zoo, I’d ride in on an elephant and leave on a giraffe…you know things that would never happen. 

However as I’ve seen the happiness and celebrations I’ve caught myself thinking if I ever found the right girl would all this be open for me? Would my family be there to smile in pride? Would I have the sparkly dress? Where would I even get married? And the sad reality is even if I find the girl of my dreams, I’ll never have the wedding I would want.

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Hello

So even after reading the first post you’ve decided to stick around? Cool, welcome aboard. I can’t promise smooth sailings or pretty views but I can guarantee for some thought provoking material on the behaviour and actual happenings in the life of some who feel they have no voice. Or those who have a voice but feel they can only use it when they are protected by their masks.

Masks are funny things, we all hide things from others. That’s just normal life, right?

But what happens when you become so isolated from the very people who should love you unconditionally that your mask evolves into another persona? The quiet, scared and lost person struggling to breathe beneath the conforming smile. The person who only appears in the silence of night, you’re own vampire if you will, because if you look in the mirror it’s not them who’s looking back at you. No. It’s your mask, staring back with hollow, knowing eyes and you stare back, hoping it will never break because when it does it won’t be something you forget. Ever.