Potential forgiveness?

So I’m back from University for summer now…again. It’s scary how time stops for no one, no matter what’s happening or who you’re with, time is always moving .

And with University loading on the work time is slipping my fingers more than ever, I noticed this especially when I realised I hadn’t come home as often as I did in first year. No matter, I’m back now and my mum really wanted me to come with her to the Mosque on Sunday morning. As there is lessons on how to read the Qur’an and learn its meanings and such. I used to go every week whilst I lived at home and I detested the classes, not because I was bad or anything, I guess it was because I felt it was futile as I know what I am and Islam don’t mix.

But I could see going would mean a lot to my mum and after a lot of persuasion I decided to go and be a show pony to all of her friends and see all the people I used to read with. I entered the Mosque with a negative attitude, thinking that it was a waste of time and these people didn’t actually care for me. However with familiar faces filing through the door and to my surprise, their faces lit up when they saw me. I got hugs, smiles and genuine interest off of these people, it was funny as I never saw this side to them when I had attended regularly. I even surprised myself when it came to reading the set passage of that class, I found myself reading as fluently as ever, but with a few hesitations here and there. What surprised me the most that the techniques and pronunciations of the Arabic words I tended to ignore when I attended normally were flowing from my mouth as though I’d always read that way.

I sat there listening to the other girls reading and then we came to translation. One of my friends translated the passage that is known as the ‘Witness’ section in the Qur’an. Some of the teachings were familiar and I had no problems with, however after each line there was always reference to Allah’s forgiveness. Allah will forgive if you ask, Allah knows the secrets in your heart…

As these words floated around me, I started to wonder if there was actually hope that Allah might not smite my entire existence on the spot. I’ve been told if you have any questions you should ask them during prayer, I know some of you are of different faiths or have none at all so I’m sorry if you don’t agree with anything but I’ve always wanted Allah to give me a sign or something that all hope is not lost for me. And maybe this was it?

However I’m not so sure but the month of Ramadan is approaching and I will be asking Allah for answers so if I get any I’ll let you know!

If you have any questions please ask but again I want this to be a safe and caring forum so no bashing of form will be tolerated.

Um hi there?

The idea of blogging was suggested by a friend, so if it’s crap please let me know and I will be more than happy to blame them.

The aim of this blog is not simple. It is not merely a forum in which I can express my entire life story. It is a place where I can disappear into myself by disclosing certain details in my life, in the hope to connect with people in similar situations.

What situation am I in?

Well my family are Muslim and by being a part of this family, for the time being, I too was brought up with Islamic teachings. But there’s one slight problem…I’m gay. I think that’s the first time I’ve actually written that and to be honest it feels terrifying.

This blog will be the arena to harbour the conflicts I’ve faced, still facing and have yet to face, in the bid to hopefully tell my family who I really am and for them to accept me. I realise my writing style and or topics are not for everyone, however if you do decide to stick around. I’d be grateful for any words of support, criticism or just for others who are trapped in their own void to open up on this secure site.

I believe in equality for all and never to judge others until full knowledge is gained of their situation. But I know not everyone lives by that, as you will come to see in future posts.